2018-09-07

Contemplating the moment

It's amazing how a three days period of time, is actually adequate to make you believe that you're feeling like you don't really mind living, at least in a sense or another. I'm not sure if this is a genuine feeling that is meant to last a little (or a lot) more, but, OKAY. I still over think things, recall obsessive memories, cry over spilled milk, بتصعب عليّ نفسي, and I stop functioning for couple of hours, etc. I told my therapist who I haven't been in touch with for the past (horrible) three weeks, that I'm feeling good and every thing is kind of starting to be put back together. Only three days ago, I was in my lowest, panicking, tired up, desperate, going crazy, scared to death … you name it! I wish I never experience that again. I wish I can find the comforting company I'm looking for. I wish "it" can find me, before I fall back into hopelessness, and life starts to be absolutely meaningless again. I wish I stop craving things that would only make things worse. I wish I never stop wishing, without ruining my present self.

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